people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
