He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't turn off my feet"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
