Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
