Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
