oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
