my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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