we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
