did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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