I CAN MOONWALK!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
