At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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