Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
