he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
