I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
