If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
