i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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