i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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