: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Randomize
