I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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