My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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