Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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