Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
