there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
