dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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