Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
