There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
