I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
