Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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