my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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