I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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