no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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