Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
