so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
