I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
