I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
