1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
