that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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