He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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