Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
bring money and cleavage
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
