hotel room ftw
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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