Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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