It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
