I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i out mim tonsoeep
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