I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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