He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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