I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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