Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
