I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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