We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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