I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
