I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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