I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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