he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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