How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
