I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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