i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
