4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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