I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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