I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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