im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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