Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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