so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
