maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hippo gnu deer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
