There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
