time to smoke my breakfast
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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