stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
