I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
