I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
