so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
