wanna go halves on a baby?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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